Published on April 4th, 2014 | by djprophetic


3 Ways to Get Your Man to Listen To You

Disclaimer: these are my views, observances, and thoughts gathered from my personal experiences. If you disagree, that’s perfectly fine; I’d love to hear your comments below the post.

First, let me say I am grateful to God for the gift of women; they are truly God’s custom designed handy work. I have been blessed to have some remarkable women in my life, including my mother, my wife Abigail, my sisters, Sonia from the Being Encouraged team, aunts, friends, co workers, and many more. So I say these three points with the most sincere appreciation of women, and also with a goal to help women who are struggling to get their man, husband, son, friend, co-worker or other any other man in their lives to listen to them. See related article for more info on this topic:

1.     Understanding “respect” is more important than love to a man

Isn’t it interesting how a man might find it easier to leave his home and go to war for his country than to cuddle with his girl in public? Respect is wired into our DNA; as men and it’s one of our most valued commodities. Have you ever noticed that the reason most men fight each other is because of disrespect? You can do nearly anything to a man and he may keep his cool, but once you disrespect him, you will have hard time calming him down. I would even argue that if it came down to choosing between money, power, and respect, the majority of men would choose respect as number one. The bible says in Ephesians 5:33, “Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” There is a specific reason for this exact wording; respect is something that is innate for a man to want, and love is something that is innate for a woman to want. So it’s expected that most women won’t understand how to respect a man unless they are taught how to. It’s also the same for a man in regards to love; he needs to be taught. Ladies, the number one reason men don’t listen to women is because the message was either not delivered in a respectful way, or it was perceived in a disrespectful way.



2. It’s how you say it, not what you say

Ladies write this down and memorize it! It’s not what you say; it’s how you say it. Take this common example that wives often ask their husbands: “Why didn’t you take out the garbage?”

In husband’s head: “Who do you think you’re talking to like that? Nobody talks to me in that way.”

So the husband than takes out the garbage and doesn’t say a word because he’s trying to keep from exploding… Language is key!


Say the same wife said this instead: “Hey hunny, when you have a moment, could you take out the garbage?”

Believe it or not, most men will tell you the same thing- what you say is not as important as how you say it. Women should picture every man with a big red landmine on their chests; the slightest intonation of disrespect will cause an uproar in the man internally and in some cases externally. If you speak to a man in a certain tone, he may receive it as if you are trying to control him, which can cause him to lash out. Speak to a man as you would if it was the president of the US. If you nurture a man’s ego (God gave them to us), then you will get access to his thoughts, concerns, and hey possibly some money lol.

Sidenote: If a man is extremely silent, beware; he may be self-combusting inside.

Respect has a certain tone to it and men can sense it very easily because we are wired to respect. So ladies, use caution in the way you talk to a man to ensure he is being respected when you’re delivering something, even if what you have to tell him is correct.

3.     Nagging him to the point of exhaustion


I really don’t need to say too much on this, but I will refer to the bible passage in Proverbs 27:15-16 which says: “A nagging wife is like water going drip-drip-drip on a rainy day.” I believe this can also be applied to a nagging sister, mother, girlfriend and so on…

Stop bending, stand up straight!  Why are you chewing like that? Fix your smile!  Don’t wear it like that…

Nagging shows a woman cares enough to say something, but what is not said is the more painful part. When a woman nags a man, it says to him you don’t trust him, you think that he is not good enough, and/ or that he is inadequate or incapable of doing what you ask. It’s a very subtle destroyer that can cause a man to be resentful, closed off, and more stubborn. What is important to realize is that what you focus on is magnified, so if you focus on all his flaws you will see more of his flaws, and if you focus more on his strengths, you will see more of those.

Nagging, although it comes from a maternal instinct, can become a nuisance and an annoyance to men; it actually becomes counterproductive. “You can’t nag someone into permanent change,” says Charles Goodstein, MD. If you want a man to change, pray for him and let God change him because He can change him a whole lot better than anyone can.

Let’s review! 3 ways you can get a man to listen to you:

  1. Understand his deep need for respect.
  2. Carefully season your words with a tone of respect.
  3. Focus on what he can be, not on what he isn’t.

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